On Friday night J, Ange, Jolene and I took the train out to The River Rock for some Bob Sagety good times. I was REALLY looking forward to it as I’d heard he was super funny and very offensive. Now, maybe my offensive meter has been busted by the supreme Louis C.K. but Bob was not really that bad. He used some bad words but he apologized every time. Maybe he didn’t get a chance to be offensive because I don’t think he told one original joke. Basically the guy stood on stage for about an hour to ramble like a coke head, name drop, talk to some jerks in the audience, remind us he was on Full House, AFHV, and Entourage, sing some unfunny songs, and tell 2 real jokes, both of which weren’t his. Oh, and to make matters worse they stopped bar service before the show. BAH! Ok, he was fun and charismatic – someone you’d want to do shots with at a party, but whoever told him he’d be a great comedian was hammered AND trying to make their way into either of the Olsen Twins pants (or baggy hippy dresses). But, after he tried the first time, how did he survive? How does he sell out theaters? Well, I believe that probably 3/4 of the theater was filled with drunk dumb asses who don’t normally go to comedy but since “it’s the dude from Full House, I heard he says cunt a lot, I just got a new blingy shirt and I was going to the Rock anyway.” they’ll show. And while they’re there they’ll either think it’s funny because they’re not smart or they’ll be to drunk and high to remember how shitty it was or they were one of the people in the audience he chatted with all night (hey Bob, there’s a reason why EVERY OTHER COMIC curbs heckling, it’s NOT FUNNY FOR EVERYONE ELSE. But what about the other 1/4 of the theater? I have a theory, and it’s directly related to how much I like nuts. Ever see people trying roasted chestnuts at Christmas time? There is always someone at those stupid carts, buying stupid chestnuts and making the rest of us think “oh man, I should really try those one day” and then one day you do. And they are fucking disgusting. Just terrible. So you never go back, but too late, as you were buying them 14 other unsuspecting people saw you buying them and thought “look, another normal (or cool, maybe they think cool) chick buying roasted chestnuts, I should really try those sometime” and so the cycle continues. Bob Saget comedy is the equivalent to roasted chestnuts. Just because people go, doesn’t mean you should. Now, the opening dude, Van boy Todd Allen? He was funny! He was like a different kind of nut, one you should try.