Being Sick Sucks

i thought i’d update this post with what i do to cure myself when i’m sick, in case you care.  skip to the bottom if you’ve already read this post.

So i’m home from work with a cold and there is absolutely nothing entertaining about it.  So why blog?  This in on the request of one of my BFF’s Jenn who said “you’re sick, blog about it!”.  Since i’d do almost anything for that chick, here goes.

Reasons Why Being Sick Sucks (other than the obvious):

1. I am a jack ass.  i go around work and to my friends constantly talking about how i never get sick.  And it’s true, i almost never do.  When i do though, i fully expect everyone to comment on what a douche i am and how i deserve it.

2. I have to miss work.  Since i was a kid i hated the idea that i would be letting anyone down and have carried that into adult hood.  Not only do i feel like a bag of shit, i feel guilty as fuck about it.  Sorry about all the swearing.

3. I can’t show off my rad hair.  Last night Josie and i shaved half of the underside of my hair, bleached the patch blond, and painted leopard print onto it.  Josie is a goddess, it looks hot as hell, and no one is going to see it until i am well enough to leave my apartment.

4. I have no capacity to be funny.  Jenn, if a first time visitor arrives, only reads this and never returns it’s all your fault.

Things To Do When You’re Sick:

1. Catch up on your PVR.  Are you guys watching Good Guys?  It’s effing awesome!  Bradley Whitford and his ‘stache are are hilarious.  Colin Hanks is annoying as ever but he’s growing on me as the straight man.  So press stop and delete on the Bachelorette and check out this new show.  You won’t be sorry.

2. Make soup.  Why do we want soup when we’re sick?  Is it just because we’ve been brainwashed into thinking we should?  And what if you don’t eat chicken?  With all these questions whizzing around my mind i put together the best sick soup ever.  Veg stock, chipotle peppers in adobe, LOTS of chopped garlic, lentils, smoked paprika, and vermicelli noodles = a meal that is going to kick this colds ass.

3. Watch movies.  Currently on my list to “go rent at the video store” are: Hot Tub Time Machine, Happy Tears, and When in Rome.  A little dumb comedy, some sappy chick flick (starring the ass kicking Parker Posey) and what looks to be an uber lame RomCom.  I’ll review the first one that comes in.  At the video store.

4. Take massive amounts of Cold FX.  Ok guys, I am very upset.  I have been on the Cold FX (or the cheaper store version at Shoppers) band wagon since it came out and attribute my jack ass never sick thing to it’s miracle powers.  Yesterday when I went to the store to get some i read the label (why?!?!  because some people have been telling me i shouldn’t rely on it, to which i say “it’s just echinacae which is an immune booster”) and i wanted to be sure since it’s been awhile since i read the label) and what do i see??!  GELATIN.  Jesus fuck.  And really, of course it has gelatin, it’s a gel cap.  Erg.  In case you aren’t aware vegan’s don’t use gelatin because it is made from horse hooves (and neither should you because that is sick).  So now i am going to have to find another version of Jesus’ own magic pill to cure what ails me.  Have faith though.  As with the vegan chocolate covered raisins i found to pour into my movie popcorn, i will be victorious!

5.  Have a nap.  Which is what i am going to do now as i see one of my movies should be in at the “video store” in approximatly 1 hour.  Oh wait, 58 minutes.  Nope, 1 hour and 4 min.

How To Cure Yourself:

1. Think positive.  Just kidding, fuck that.  Wallow in your misery and whine to all who see you.

2. Vitamin C.  If you don’t have any oranges than go with lemon water.  Lemon’s are great for many things including curing colds.  This website is good, you just have to get past the pretentious points like “…gently applied to the nostrils could stop epistaxis (more commonly known as nose bleeds)…”  Then just effing say nose bleeds beeatch!

3. Garlic: I am obsessed with garlic when i am sick.  I have been known to eat up to 10 cloves in one sick day.  Today i am at 3 but after dinner i’ll round out at about 8.  Also being sick is the best time to eat shit tonnes of garlic because you’re not going anywhere so who cares if you stink?!?

4. Lots and lots of Cold FX.  Unless you’re vegan.  Erg.

5. Water and sleep.  Just like your mamma told ya.

The moral of this story is don’t read the labels.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jenn
    Jun 16, 2010 @ 22:51:10

    LOL! Thanks for all the props (even if it does say you may disown me – never!)
    I think you should have made the fact that you can’t show off your rad hair #1 cuz I really want to see it and since you are sick – I can’t!!
    I think you are super funny – even when you think yer not. So there.


  2. vanchick
    Jun 17, 2010 @ 01:41:39

    and i loves you


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