Bob Saget Isn’t Funny.

On Friday night J, Ange, Jolene and I took the train out to The River Rock for some Bob Sagety good times.  I was REALLY looking forward to it as I’d heard he was super funny and very offensive.  Now, maybe my offensive meter has been busted by the supreme Louis C.K. but Bob was not really that bad.  He used some bad words but he apologized every time.  Maybe he didn’t get a chance to be offensive because I don’t think he told one original joke.  Basically the guy stood on stage for about an hour to ramble like a coke head, name drop, talk to some jerks in the audience, remind us he was on Full House, AFHV, and Entourage, sing some unfunny songs, and tell 2 real jokes, both of which weren’t his.  Oh, and to make matters worse they stopped bar service before the show.  BAH!  Ok, he was fun and charismatic – someone you’d want to do shots with at a party, but whoever told him he’d be a great comedian was hammered AND trying to make their way into either of the Olsen Twins pants (or baggy hippy dresses).  But, after he tried the first time, how did he survive?  How does he sell out theaters?  Well, I believe that probably 3/4 of the theater was filled with drunk dumb asses who don’t normally go to comedy but since “it’s the dude from Full House, I heard he says cunt a lot, I just got a new blingy shirt and I was going to the Rock anyway.” they’ll show.  And while they’re there they’ll either think it’s funny because they’re not smart or they’ll be to drunk and high to remember how shitty it was or they were one of the people in the audience he chatted with all night (hey Bob, there’s a reason why EVERY OTHER COMIC curbs heckling, it’s NOT FUNNY FOR EVERYONE ELSE.  But what about the other 1/4 of the theater?  I have a theory, and it’s directly related to how much I like nuts.  Ever see people trying roasted chestnuts at Christmas time?  There is always someone at those stupid carts, buying stupid chestnuts and making the rest of us think “oh man, I should really try those one day” and then one day you do.  And they are fucking disgusting.  Just terrible.  So you never go back, but too late, as you were buying them 14 other unsuspecting people saw you buying them and thought “look, another normal (or cool, maybe they think cool) chick buying roasted chestnuts, I should really try those sometime” and so the cycle continues. Bob Saget comedy is the equivalent to roasted chestnuts.  Just because people go, doesn’t mean you should.  Now, the opening dude, Van boy Todd Allen?  He was funny!  He was like a different kind of nut, one you should try.

 

Big UPs and Mad Props! What Makes Me Glow, From My Head to My Toes

Or actually, from toe to head…

Adrienne is the queen of pedi’s….and i’m sure mani’s and waxi’s and everything else she does but for me it’s all about the toes.  From Ninja’s to Mustachioed Bananas, cherries to zebra stripes, Adrienne never hesitates to create 10 little masterpieces for me to love and adore.

Lucia is the namesake of this salon on Broadway (and now open downtown!) and boy howdy does this lady know how to rock a Brazilian.  The first time i went all bare down there i was nervous as hell, but Lucia was warm, gracious, funny, and above all…fast!  Even while humming a tune, telling jokes, stopping to gaze at the ceiling to remember a thought, Lucia has you in and out within 15 minutes, you barely (hehe) have time to get nervous or feel pain! And although the Queen herself is my favorite she has trained many other women in the art of the….rip.  Check them out, you won’t be sorry!

I ♥ The Y

1) The facility is enormous, and clean.  Also you can pay to have a tote to leave your shoes there so you don’t have to carry them around.  The only downside? After months i sill get lost in the change rooms.  2) The classes are fab! From Dancefit with Johanna Ward to Cardio Kickboxing to my personal fave Yin Yoga with Angie, there is something for everyone. 3) Free nuts and appreciation!  Sometimes in the lobby there is a big sign that says “We appreciate you!” with little cups of nuts and berries.  How sweet. 4) The staff is fun, friendly, and energetic. 5) Everyone goes to the Y, except gym monkeys!  From skinny yoga bum girls to middle aged ladies, to old men who love Johanna’s class,  everyone fits in.  Except creepy over muscled dudes with bad tans!  Too bad 😦

So far every facial i have had at Skoah has been amazing.  I will continue to come here for several reasons.  The ambiance strikes a wonderful balance between warm and inviting and clean and clinical.  They say they’re not “spa-y” but the rooms are warm and cozy and have soft music playing.  The products (if you can get over the fact that they replace all their C’s with K’s) smell amazing and really work.  They make a point of encouraging loyalty.  The last time i was there i was given a free shampoo sample and every time you re-book within 2 months you receive money off product.  Also they send you a thank you email the day after your treatment.  They don’t push the products on you the way some spas do.  They simply make recommendations and leave you be.  The staff and business really seem to care about healthy glowing skin. It’s apparent from the obviously knowledgeable staff and the quality of the products.  And last…the messages…mmmmm the massages…..

Yes she is one of my bestest besties but when i say Josie is a hair goddess i mean it.  She took a gawd awful head of thick frizzy choppily colored mess and has transformed it time and time again.  From black to blond to red, with every color highlight of the rainbow.  From extensions to shaved designs Josie helps me show my creativity through my hair.  If it wasn’t for her collaboration i wouldn’t be nearly as fulfilled as a person as i am.

So those are the businesses and the people who make me feel pretty from top to bottom.  Thanks Ya’ll!

Just had to share…..

I saw this note on the now closed The Corner Suite Bistro De Luxe window last Saturday morning:

it just made me so sad to think of someone, who had risked everything to try their dream have it fail.  I know it happens all the time but that didn’t make this any less heatbreaking.  I never patronized (is that the right word for this context?) Bistro De Luxe as it didn’t really have much in the way of vegan menu items but i had once emailed them (i think they were on a Groupon or the like) and the woman who answered was lovely and said that if we gave advance notice the chef would do his best, nice!  Also i loved their decor and the morning sign outside trying to entice you in for breakfast or espresso always made me smile.

On Monday morning i saw this taped up next to the first note:

and it almost made me cry.  Even though the owners could not make it work, they were loved and appreciated for what they did do in their community.  Maybe they’ll take what they’ve learned and give it another go one day.

Anyway, that’s it, just wanted to share something that made me feel sad and happy and hopeful, when usually mornings just make me feel rushed and cranky 🙂

Peace out peeps.

Gotsta love me some Globes! The Kings Speech…..THE KINGS SPEECH!!!!!!!

Wow, wow, wow.  This was an amazing movie and i mean it when i say go see it.  GO SEE IT!  You will not be disappointed, i promise.  Why was it so good you ask?  Well let me tell you.  While you may think The Kings Speech is a period drama it is more of a bromance (romance with bro’s, ya dig?) rolled up nicely with an underdog  story.  And yes, you learn a little more about the royals and the circumstances of the times which was lovely.  Along with lovely this film was touching and witty (hell, it was laugh out loud FUNNY!) and charming.  The acting, of course, was brilliant and it was beautifully shot, with scenes that looked like they could have been painted.

So go ok?  Don’t wait for a crappy cam, just go.  And if you’re like me, you’ll laugh and cry and sigh and join in with the slow clap at the end, which i normally think is uber lame.

To help i am including a handy link to the showtimes in Van!  Simply change the city if you are not in Van!

CLICK ME FOR SHOWTIMES!

Buzz Me Some Breaky: Tuesday, Detox Baby!

It’s on everyone’s mind in January, and it should be if you are at all like me and for about 1 month before January consume alcohol and bad news foods every other day.  I went to Mexico for Christmas and i swear i could hear my liver weeping on the flight home.  As I sipped 3 Jim Beams and cokes…. Anyway in years past i would have made January, DETOX JANUARY!  But instead i am simply taking it easy, going to the gym more, trying Infared Sauna starting Thursday and drinking…..

Green Smoothie Liver Tonic!!! or Type O-h my Goodness Liver Tonic!!!

….cuz it looks like….the fake blood they drink on True Blood….i know, kind of gross, but REALLY good for you!

This is care of The Green Smoothie Queen, an amazing site dedicated to awesome smoothies!

  • ½ small beet (juiced) – Funny story about beets below.  True story about beets is that they are a powerful antioxidant, they help protect your liver from harmful chemicals….the list goes on.
    *you can blend the beet in your blender, if your blender has a powerful motor <– have i mentioned how much i loves me my Vitamix?!?
  • 3 to 4 beet green leaves <– beet greens contain twice as much potassium as the actual beet and rock for several other reasons
  • 3 to 4 dandelion leaves <– I could not find these fresh anywhere, apparently Kins and IGA usually have them but not yesterday….My health food store (Garden Health on Davie) had dried leaves and informed me that Capers probably carries them.  Annnnnyway, i ended up making really strong dandelion tea and using that as my water.  Goddamn i am smart!  Dandelion is said to enhance the flow of bile in your body, improving the function of your liver, and remedy liver conditions.  Thanks dandelion, i will look upon you with much more respect!
  • ¼ to ½ lemon
  • 2 apples
  • 1 inch fresh ginger
  • 1 cup water <– or dandelion tea!

So, the final verdict on this smoothie?  It was a little strong on the “healthy flavors” and could have used a tad more sweetening.  Perhaps i could have used a sweeter apple?  Anyone have any suggestions?  Or maybe next time i would add a squirt of agave.  It was still really good though and seriously packs a liver boosting punch!  Try it and let me know what you think!  Tomorrow we use some leftover’s and get a little crazy!

 

This was my liver on January 1st....

**Funny beet story!  So apparently when i was 9 i came to my mom and asked “Did we have beets for dinner last night?”  My mom said no and i went away.  A little while later i reappeared and asked “did we have beets for dinner the night before last?”  She said no and so i went away again.  At this point my moms interest was peaked and so she came to find me and asked why i thought we had beets for dinner……turns out i had started my period for the first time and since i was only 9 effing years old i had no idea why i had “red pee”.  Let this be a lesson to any parents out there!

Buzz Me Some Breaky: MONDAY, The Elvis Elixer…nummm

It’s Monday and I wanted to start off super simple and mega yumtastic instead of….not hard and yucky per se, but maybe a little bit harder and little bit yuckier.  But not yucky.  Dig?  Whatever,  i give you…..

The Elvis Elixer!

Start with milk.  I prefer almond and am now making my own using a heaping spoonful of almond butter buzzed with 1 cup water.  It’s SO EFFING EASY and you can make as little or as much as your heart desires.  Also while fairly high in GOOD fat it has no chemicals or weirdness like carrageenan (which while vegan and natural apparently is super hard to digest).  Remember (or have a great friend like Josie to remind you) FAT IS NOT THE ENEMY!  GOOD FAT IS….GOOD!  There is even a class at my Y this month all about eating fat to…shock….burn fat!  Whoot!

Add to the milk 1 banana, frozen preferably. Bananas are best over ripe, think the sweet spot right before you have to chuck them into the fridge along with the other 43 black bananas for an elusive day when you make banana bread.   If you’re a chick you know what i mean.  If you are a dude who has ever lived with a chick you know what i mean.  Anyway, brown spots mean more potassium and easier absorption of said potassium.

Add to the milk and banana 1 heaping spoonful of peanut butter (YUM!) and add to that anything else you like to pack into your morning smoothie.  For me it’s Vega protein, vitamin D (if you live in Van City please tell me you take vitamin D every day in the winter!!!!!!) and Udo oil.

Throw in some ice cubes and Shake, Rattle and Roll everything up in whatever you use to blend.

TAAAAA DAAAAA!  The easy by yummy ratio for this shake is off the hizzook.  See you tomorrow for something a little more serious….. 🙂

He liked it in a fried sandwhich, i like it in a smoothie!

Vegan MoFo Mo Fo’s!

Ok all you radical Mo Fo’s, it’s not just Movember, it’s also VEGAN MONTH OF FOOD!  Otherwise known as Vegan MoFo!

I feel bad for not posting anything about this until now, so to make me feel better please make yourself a vegan dish tonight.  Or tomorrow night.  I promise you won’t be sad like me, you’ll be happy, like double rainbow guy!  Ok, maybe not that happy.  And yes, i am obsessed.  How could i not be?

To get you started on making me (and you!) happy, here are some of my most favoritist of all time vegan (and sometimes gluten friendly) dishes!  Enjoy!

Vegan Mac and “Cheese”! Yup, i make this at least once a week, seriously.  I have tried other recipes but this one is the best, hands down (or up!  Big Ups!).  Thanks Chelsea of Flavorvegan!  I know if you are a vegetarian or an omnivore you will be all, WTF?!?  I’m not eating that!  But i beg of you, give it a go!  Although not the same as traditional mac and cheese (my mom makes the best) this is good stuff.  I promise.

Vegan Veggie Lasagna!  Mmmmm!  I love this lasagna and would eat it every day if i could.  Use rice noodles to make it GF and add Daiya for some oooohey goooooheyness!

No Roll Enchiladas!  I seriously love me some mexican food!  Especially from La Taqueria or Banditas but if i am cooking at home this is a go to recipe fo sho.

The Best Lentil Loaf!  3 out of 3 non vegans i fed this to found it mad delish!  Rock it out with smashed potots (using Earth Balance and non dairy milk of course!) and some vegan gravy.

Coconut, Corn, and Black Bean Soup! Vegan Yum Yum does it again (special thanks to Chic Vegan for the heads up!)  Spoon over quinoa (keeeeeeen-waaaaaah) for a seriously healthy, protein packed, TASTY as F**** (sorry kids), dinner that makes enough for lunch and dinner the next day!

Spicy African Peanut Soup! The first time Ange and i made this we were in ecstasy.  Literally.  With bread and butter this soup is the bomb!

These are all pretty hearty meals, so don’t forget the good old, easy as pie (which isn’t really easy at all yo), tasty stir fries!  Add your fave veg (and then get wild and add some veg you have never heard of!) to some yumtastic sauce, scoop over rice or quinoa (keeeeeeeeen-waaaaaaaah) and voila!  Easy, tasty, and good for you.

Oh!  And Salad!  Can’t forget the salad!  Thanks to one of my fave boys i can now branch out from my BIG SALAD (all (and i mean ALL) of my fave salad veggies over greens, topped with balsamic and oil) obsession and into some more sophisticated recipes.

Hail to the Kale Salad! OMG i loooooooove this salad.  I craaaaaave this salad.  Think it’s not possible to crave salad?  I dare you to say that after you try this baby.  Yum.  Making some tonight.  Salavating as a type.

Oh My Ya, Papaya! Salad. I made up that name.  It does not come from the internet, it comes from a recipe card.  I don’t have the recipe card with me so you will have to wait and make Hail to the Kale for now.  Lucky you!

So those are some of my fave recipes online but i also have my go to cookbooks which are messy and dirty and well loved.  Nothing like cooking from a cookbook!  Check out Sarah Kramer and Isa Chandra Moskowitz to get started.

And if you’re not cooking then just pop over to Jenn’s house, she is the bestest vegan cook in the world! And i loves her 🙂

Oh, don’t know Jenn?  How sad.  Maybe one day you will but until then make due with some rad vegan restaurants! And THIS JUST INProvence now has a veggie/vegan set menu!  Nice!

Whew…..i pretty much just blogged in one day what i blogged all of last month!  Wow!  Time to hit the real world and go pick up the ingredients for that kale salad!

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