Warning! New Zodiac Can Make You a Douche Bag!

So apparently there is a possibility everything we know and believe in is bunk.  I’m not talking the existence of Christ, i’m talking whether or not your compatible with your boyfriendAstrology. I’m not here however to discuss the new sign, i’m writing for a much more important reason.  Forget about becoming a serpent holder or whatever the eff the 13th sign is, watch out for becoming a jerk to your friends!

Conversation i had today with 2 of my best girl friends:

Van Chick: “There is no way i’m a pussy water sign like Pisces”
C: “Yeah, Pisces are said to be loners….”
J: “Fuck you guys, i’m a Pisces!”

Oops. But proof the new zodiac is bunk.  Here is a description of Pisces:

Imaginative and sensitive
Compassionate and kind
Selfless and unworldly
Intuitive and sympathetic
Escapist and idealistic
Secretive and vague
Weak-willed and easily led

And now Aries:

Adventurous and energetic
Pioneering and courageous
Enthusiastic and confident
Dynamic and quick-witted
Selfish and quick-tempered
Impulsive and impatient
Foolhardy and daredevil

A sensitive Pisces would never have inadvertently called her friend a pussy.  This was obviously the work of an impulsive Aries.

Anyway, here are the new signs, what do you think?

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20