Buzz Me Some Breaky!

I have a smoothie every day for breakfast.  Every work day that is, every weekend I have waffles, and pancakes, and sausages, and Bandita’s……I LOVE weekend breakfast.  But this is not about SMOOTHIES!  Smoothies are an amazing way to get whatever you need to get into your body quickly and easily and hopefully yummilly.  I myself have fallen into a rut and so what better fix than a ….. wait for it …. CHALLENGE! Yup, i am the queen of challenges…making them, and breaking them.  My issues are twice fold.  For A:  a few times in my life i have ROCKED a BIG challenge.  Simply kicked it’s ass so far into next week it’s really the week after.  I lost about 70 pounds once.  I have now quit smoking twice for more than 6 months (yes, as of today i am 12 days away from my 6 month quitaversary but no’s the only thing i have to give to my mom for her birthday 😉 …. hi mom!) and i went cold turkey from omnivore to Vegan (just passed my 2 year mark at the beginning of Jan! Whoot!).  This makes me think i can and should create grand challenges instead of smaller ones.  If anyone remembers my resolution list a few years back….i think i had about 30 resolutions….WTF?  Who does that?!?  The 2nd reason i am forever making challenges and breaking them is that i get excited/bored easily.  First i get all super gung ho on the challenge, this can sometimes lead me to challenge others. Then i either get bored of said challenge or am easily swayed by the exciting idea of not sticking with the challenge.  No booze November once ended because wouldn’t it be AWESOME to do a shot before a theatrical production?!?!  Eating clean August was totally derailed by…well….SUMMER for eff sakes!  So, with all that said i think i may have finally learned my lesson.  I don’t need to only drink smoothies for a month! I can simply create, enjoy, and share…7!

And so i give you….

A WEEK OF AWESOME SMOOTHIES!!!!  Whoot hoo hoo hoo and hooray!  Are you as excited as i am?  Either way …  click the blender to jump to the awesomeness!



I had not planned on writing about my recent health issues but realized that i have been googling like crazy and maybe my journey could help some other googler out there.

****MEN: In the writing below i refer to my period.  more than once.  BEWARE!****

At the beginning of April i went off my depo shot.  Since then i have experienced some extreme withdrawal symptoms including sore breasts, weird or a lack of periods, and a case of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), apparently from an massive drop in progesterone which can sometimes happen when you stop birth control.  So what is IBS?  According to my research it’s a bunch of BS (sometimes literally).  No one just has IBS, in my opinion, they have an irritable bowel (bloating, diarrhea, constipation, gas, etc)  CAUSED by something wrong in their body.  As someone once told me “physical symptoms are like your cars engine light, they are a sign to look under the hood and FIX what’s wrong”.  We wouldn’t just patch up our broken engine with duct tape, so why do we tend to just throw a band aid on a problem with our bodies?

I have always been lucky enough to be able to eat and drink whatever i wanted.  Nothing really effected me negatively (except runny eggs, which are gross anyway) and i want that back!!!!  Goddammit!!!!  Olives should be the only thing i don’t eat, not because i can’t, but because no one should, they are disgusting.  Anyway, I am now on a mission to cure my body, and since the body is a miracle regeneration machine i know i can do it.  It’s hard, it’s trial and error, but it’s worth it.

First to look into, Candida.  I believe many of us probably have a candida overgrowth problem, caused by our less than stellar diets.  For me this means taking a daily probiotic (just say no to yogurt, try the pills or drinks of living microorganisms that you keep in your fridge for maximum benefit), and staying away from yeast causing foods, mainly sugar.  For example I have cut out sugar in my coffee and use stevia or agave instead.  I also need to stay away from booze, but that sucks and i haven’t been very proactive on that front…man do i love me some booze!  No one is perfect.

Next, gluten.  The silver lining of having a pissed off gut is that i have never been more aware of my gluten intake.  Even though i tested negative to coeliac disease i most definitely am adversely effected by wheat.  Which is no surprise really, the word gluten comes from the latin for GLUE!  It’s not good to eat GLUE!  The good news is that with everyone and their neighbor seemingly effected to some degree by a wheat sensitivity there in an abundance of information and food alternatives available.   Just had rice pasta last night and it was great!

And then, of course….stress.  If you know me you know i am a stress bucket most of the time.  Anxiety and hypochondria being my two main issues.  In fact, here is a an artist rendering of me on a t-shirt:

For those who cannot read what she’s saying (mom) “Oh god, these tights are too tight, i’m think i’m gonna die”

**In case you are wondering, tights CAN be pants IF you are a super hero.  Shirt from Sharing Machine.**

So, stress…’s a hard nut to crack.  You can’t just take some herbs and viola you’re cured.  My job is pretty high stress and i totally take on too much when it comes to my social life (Ange once said “your calendar gives me heart palpitations”).  Also i drink too much coffee.  Basically i think i run my body on cortisol which is the hormone your body produces when you are in fight or flight mode.  Not good.  I have started taking 5-HTP, known by some as the happy pill, as it is supposed to help control mood and anxiety among other things.  The article i reference in the ‘cortisol’ link above also lists sex as beneficial in reducing stress and cortisol production.  So i’ll try to find more of that….whatever……

And how about hormones?  I stated at the beginning that i think my issues were caused by a drop in progesterone.  And since i probably have always run high on cortisol it’s time to get my hormones in check.  After 18 years of birth control (holy god, 18 years!….i am old, but not that old, started BC when i was 12 as had horrendous periods that started when i was 9!) i am well aware my body does not even know how to run normally when it comes to hormones.  So into my smoothies goes MACA, which some say aides in balancing hormones.  Some say it doesn’t…well, let’s give it a try because it cannot hurt.  Speaking of smoothies the one i am drinking right now is AWESOME!  Pomegranate/cherry juice, vanilla protein powder, banana, pineapple, and spinach…..yumtastic!

Last but not least, for the pure benefit of relieving symptoms i am taking Iberogast, which is basically a plant derived, healthy alternative to pepto….as nothing that color should ever go in your body.  On your body ok, in your body, gross.

Phew….it’s a lot, and i am not even getting into my journey into raw food and enzymes!  Those are more for long term health and well being and i’m sure i’ll post about that soon enough.

Now i raise my smoothie cup and say “here’s to you, here’s to me, let’s make our bodies the effin’ best they can be!”